Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
