Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
