She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He shit in the fireplace
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
