just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
