This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
