Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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