I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
