Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
