this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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