Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
