Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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