i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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