I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
