I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
