talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
