He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
