someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he fucked my hip out of place.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
