Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
