she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
