4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
