I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
