We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
