someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
