you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
