I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
