i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
