the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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