Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
