You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
