I wish my penis had an off switch
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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