No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
