i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
