I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
being pregnant is like rehab
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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