We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
