i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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