Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
