her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
