Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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