Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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