I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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