i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
