apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
