I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
