Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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