repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
