Don't you send me to vm
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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