I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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