How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
