i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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