We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Who died my cat blue again?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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