Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm way too hungover for life right now
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
