I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
