Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
