we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
