Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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