Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
