someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
