If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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