My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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