FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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