Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
