I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
